Frustrated

Alright followers....

Today's OB appointment didn't go well. I failed my Biophysical Profile because my amniotic fluid is too low. My blood pressure shot up. I had 4 contractions in 30 minutes of being on the monitors. And the doctor said it will be a matter of days not weeks until she comes out. He also said that if I was 38 weeks pregnant instead of 36 weeks he would have had me in the OR today at noon delivering her. As of right now I have an appointment again on Friday, Monday, and Thursday. He thinks there is a good chance she will come this weekend though.

Congrats Tiff and Roe!!!!!

Lachlan born 12-29-08
Ethan born 12-26-08

Congrats ladies on your two absolutely beautiful boys!!!! Here in Kansas we are super excited for our "online" friends that had babies over the past couple of days. We are thankful that both boys are healthy and happy as well as all 4 of their mothers!!!! We can't wait to join the mommy club!

Holidays!

Now that the holidays are upon us they are bringing on the stress and emotion. I think the holidays provoke emotion, good or bad, for every single person. This year we are celebrating Christmas without Jess' aunt and paternal grandfather. We are also celebrating the holiday knowing this is probably our last with Jess' maternal grandfather. That alone brings on emotion...now add in several meals with family that hates that Jess is gay, doesn't acknowledge our unborn child, and has so MANY judgments and watch emotional overdrive. Now these emotions may not be some of the best ones to feel around such a wonderful time of year, but they are also riddled with emotions like excitement, love, and happiness. We have two wonderful, beautiful children that help show us the excitement of the holiday. We have the excitement and love and happiness associated with already being parents and the impending birth of our first daughter together. Jess and I are also surrounded by family and friends that love us and accept us just as we are which makes those that don't fade into the background of our consciousness. We are so thankful for our year. We thank God for so many things and pray that 2009 blesses us just as 2008 did. We pray that your family is doing well this holiday and you are in our thoughts and prayers as we enter a new year.

The one with the door in the picture is 32 weeks 2 days. The one that looks closer up is at 33 weeks 5 days. I haven't grown in a week.

Hospital Visit #4

Here are some pictures of Julia with max tonight in the snow! Plus an update on us.


Last night I was in the hospital until 3a.m. I was feeling short of breath and having cramping so I went in after Jess and I put the girls to bed. They checked my BP, it was great. They checked my pulse ox and pulse rate, both were okay. Peanut's heartbeat was awesome. They did an EKG and it came back normal. I was having contractions lasting a minute and a half to two minutes every 3-4 minutes. I kept getting asked how much I weigh and had all sorts of comments about my weight which totally offended me. My contractions slowed down and stopped on their own...only to pick back up once I got home. They treated me with an albuterol inhaler since I've had asthma and they couldn't think of another reason I was short of breath. My blood work showed an elevated white count...so there is an infection somewhere in my body they just don't know where nor did they seem to care really. So now I'm just waiting till Thursday to see MY doctor...hoping the contractions stop and the infection isn't anything serious.

Oh My Goodness Gracious!!!

I have been complaining a LOT lately about how uncomfortable I was and how much my body hurts. I couldn't figure out why I was being such a huge wimp about this whole pregnancy thing. Well I also didn't realize I was the size of a small house! Yes I do still have EIGHT weeks left of growing to go until my due date. All I can say is Oh my goodness gracious!

4 POUNDS

I have gained 4 pounds in 4 days! Geez louize! Jess and our doctor said it's water weight...which would make sense...my once beautiful soccer legs and ankles have become fat and I now have cankles! We had our first Biophysical Profile...everything with Peanut looks awesome. Amniotic fluid is perfect. Heart looks strong. Breathing movements were awesome! We have another BPP next Monday and then the following week we get another set of measurements to see how big she's getting. Peanut was sucking her thumb...still breech...and the doctor also let me know that her being breech is why I'm in so much pain sometimes that I can barely walk.

Tomorrow I'm hoping Jess will take a belly shot. Boy has it gotten HUGE!

9 weeks 4 days and counting

Dr. Phil

Okay so I pretty much dislike Dr. Phil...however today I was flipping through the channels and Dr Phil's topic of the day was differing opinions on the passing of Prop 8. Jess and I are one of those 18,000 couples that married in California between May and November of this year. Jess is all hot and fired up about the passing of Prop 8. She was literally furious the day we found out. I take a more laid back view on the subject...UNTIL...people started throwing around God and religion and telling me, my wife, our kids, and our families that somehow GOD doesn't approve of us...how GOD doesn't want us to be "married"...how GOD said we are unnatural...how GOD backs their fight that we are second class citizens. I respect that people have different opinions. I respect that we live in a democratic society, therefore allowing different people with different opinions to vote on matters concerning the nation. I do not respect when people mix church and state. My ability as a parent has nothing to do with being gay. My ability as a wife has nothing to do with being gay. My relationship with GOD has nothing to do with being gay. My role as a daughter and sister has nothing to do with being gay.

THE MAN WITHOUT SIN THROW THE FIRST STONE!

30 week appointment

I LOST half a pound over the past two weeks. That's right...in 8 weeks I haven't gained an ounce, in fact I've lost half a pound. I can't say I'm upset about it. Looks like I'm up 6 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. LOL

Next week we start our weekly biophysical profiles. That's where they measure the amniotic fluid and Peanut to make sure that growth is doing well, but not too large and the fluid levels stay appropriate. So I go back Monday...I'll let you know how that goes.

Colds colds colds...our 6 year old has had a severe cold for 2.5 weeks now and now Jess and Charlotte have the cold. Charlotte is just sniffing a little...but Jess is practically dying with this cold. She's snotty, coughing, sneezing, etc. She can't breathe. She can't sleep. This is making for a fun household. We are very lucky in that the kids sleep 10-12 hours straight at night, even with their colds....maybe they get so worn out during the day running around that they just pass out. Whatever the reason I'm just thankful that God blessed me with two good sleeping children...even if the wifey won't sleep!

Tonight is a little dinner party. We are having 4 friends over to enjoy a lovely low key dinner. I'm happy to see people that are not related to me or that I go to church with. Being a stay at home mom really limits ones ability to interact with different people. Anyway let's hope the dinner goes well tonight and the snotty noses dry up quickly.

Round 3!

Last night was trip to the hospital round three. I had contractions for 4 hours by the time we ended up at the hospital. They were about 6 minutes apart. I was leaking more fluid that usual. Peanut was thrashing around and hadn't slept in 4 hours.
Got to the hospital, they did a hormone test to see if I would be likely to deliver in the next 2 weeks...it came back negative. They did a test to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid...it came back negative as well.
The doctor said some people are just more prone to early contractions and that I need to drink a LOT more water. If I have another episode I'll be put on strict bed rest.

29 weeks

Today we are 29 weeks preggo!

We went for our 3D sonogram on Wednesday. The kids cames, Jess' mom was there, my dad was watching and listening via the web from Arkansas, and Jess' brother was watching and listening via the web from Chicago. Delaney was a little stinker and would not cooperate. She is a position where her bottom is low and she's got her legs completely extended directly in front of her body, her toes are in her eyes and her hands are folded in front of her face. She did not want to show us her face. I got up and literally jumped around and she didn't budge. The sonographer literally beat my stomach with her little sono tool and she didn't budge. We got to count 10 fingers and 10 toes. We saw her face in exactly one shot over the entire hour. She's got little chunky cheeks already. She has fat little thighs. She's perfect. We can't wait to meet her! Since I have GD she won't be delivered after 39 weeks so that only leaves 10 weeks left!!!!!!!

Any ideas?

Okay so as many of you may know I've been in the hospital twice in the past 4.5 weeks for bleeding and preterm labor. Every single time I've been hooked up to the big ole machine that tells you the baby's heart beat and contractions...I have little bleeps about every 7-15 minutes...they last about 15 seconds and it just feels like someone is pushing on my uterus. Well since this last little hospital visit I've been having these huge, painful, take my breath away uterine contraction type things. Since I've never had a baby before I'm not sure what the heck these things are. Jess didn't ever really have these types of things either. I'm not sure if they are contractions or round ligament pain or her moving or whatever. They have been occuring between 6:00-6:30 p.m.. They happen 3-9 times by 8:00p.m. and then they go away. This happens almost every single night. Anyone have any ideas? Do you think this is of concern? My doctor gave me vistaril and ambien to help me sleep during these episodes. She doesn't seem concerned at all. At what point do I call the doctor on call or do I just ignore them?

Melissa says it best!!!

You Can Forget My Taxes

by Melissa Etheridge

Info

RSS

An Academy Award-winning and Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter.

X Close

Singer Melissa Etheridge rails against the passage of the gay-marriage ban in California—and she won't be paying the state a dime.

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won't have to pay their taxes either.

Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away.

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

…Really?

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision someone reading that legislation "eliminates the right" and then clicking yes. What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening commercial where the little girl comes home and says, "Hi mom, we learned about gays in class today" and then the mother gets that awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say "I believe you do not deserve the same rights as me"? Do they think that their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and working side by side with all the citizens of California?

I got news for them, someday your child is going to come home and ask you what a gay person is. Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away.

I know when I grew up gay was a bad word. Homo, lezzie, faggot, dyke. Ignorance and fear ruled the day. There were so many "thems" back then. The blacks, the poor ... you know, "them". Then there was the immigrants. "Them.” Now the them is me.

I tell myself to take a breath, okay take another one, one of the thems made it to the top. Obama has been elected president. This crazy fearful insanity will end soon. This great state and this great country of ours will finally come to the understanding that there is no "them". We are one. We are united. What you do to someone else you do to yourself. That "judge not, lest ye yourself be judged" are truthful words and not Christian rhetoric.

Today the gay citizenry of this state will pick themselves up and dust themselves off and do what we have been doing for years. We will get back into it. We love this state, we love this country and we are not going to leave it. Even though we could be married in Mass. or Conn, Canada, Holland, Spain and a handful of other countries, this is our home. This is where we work and play and raise our families. We will not rest until we have the full rights of any other citizen. It is that simple, no fearful vote will ever stop us, that is not the American way.

Come to think of it, I should get a federal tax break too...

Melissa Etheridge is an Academy Award-winning and Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter.

Snowmen, Oh how I love them!

Jess ordered Peanut pink snowman robees yesterday! :) I'm so excited to get those little shoes in...not only are they cute but they'll help keep her socks on and feet warm. Today Children's Place emailed me with their new pjs. They have SNOWMEN pjs for babies. They even have a deal, 3 pjs for $30. I want the pink one in 0-3 month, the purple one in 3-6 month, and the white one in 12 month. How cool is that going to be! I'm so excited...just needed to share.
Here's the link to the page in which these adorable pjs are on.

http://www.childrensplace.com/webapp/wcs/stores/
servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&catalogId=1000
1&storeId=10001&productId=495142&styleId=72143&cate
goryIdsTree=72478%7C72477&categoryNameTree=sleepwe
ar%7Csleepwear&categoryName=seasonal

28 weeks!

We are 28 weeks pregnant today! Woohoo I'm done with my 7th month of pregnancy. We went to the doctor this week and were told that my placenta has moved but it not out of the "worry zone" yet. We're crossing our fingers that it continues to move up. Right now Peanut's little bum is just sitting right on top of it. She is very active in there...likes to kick...especially at night. She measured at 2.5 pounds at our appointment on November 4th. Next week is our big 4D sonogram! :)

All of our G Diapers are in now! :) I am so excited. We have two orange, cream, pink, green, and blue. We ordered them off of ebay, they came with lots of liners, and they were much cheaper. We also ordered a bag last week that is pink and green and got Peanut's name embroidered on it. She'll be able to use it to travel during her first year (trips planned to Mexico, Arkansas, Columbia, MO, Chicago, and maybe Colorado (Estes Park)). She'll also be able to use it for many years in the future. We are excited for her. We can't wait to hold her and cuddle her. We are just getting so anxious and excited!!!!!!

We are very excited about Obama being elected as our next president. We are saddened by Arizona and Florida choosing to vote for hate legislation. I am personally disappointed in my home state of Arkansas that now says gay people cannot adopt or be foster parents. I pray that Arkansas can open it's eyes and realize gay people are loving parents and great, caring foster parents. Jess and I are enraged at the passing of Prop 8. We got married in Ventura, CA on August 18th of this year. Ventura county was one of the many counties that passed a ban on gay marriage. We just don't understand how it affects anyone but us (all gay people). We pray that some how the lawyers can figure out a way to overturn it and if that can't happen we pray that part of the change that Obama promises will reflect in anti-hate and discrimination legislation.

Jess and I are currently in a Wide is God's Welcome bible study at church. It's purpose is to teach against the scripture that is used to justify hating gay people. We have a bible study of about 15 people, Jess and I are the only actual gay members. It is really exciting to be a part of this. We also ordered a daily devotional for our children and for us (the one for us is a gay and lesbian one). We are excited to grow our faith walk without discrimination and fear.

As I promised...

Sorry it took so long to finally post the pictures of the crib and such...but we had to take a slight detour to the hospital this afternoon because I started bleeding again. Dang it all to heck! I bled, quit, and dried up. I cramped, kept cramping, and then kept cramping. They treated me for preterm labor, sent me home with strict instructions to take it easy and lay low until my appointment on the 4th. I'm just so thrilled they let me come home.

Let the Blessings Flow!

My mom came through and realized that I was getting very anxious about not having a crib so she sent me money and Jess and I bought the crib last night. We also set it up last night and put all the crib sheets and stuff on there. :) We are so very blessed with the family we have...ALL of them are just so great and provide us with everything from support and phone calls checking on us to money for cribs to dinner every Sunday night.

Photobucket is having issues...I'll post the pictures later.

26 weeks, 1 day

We've made it two weeks past the initial bleeding episode! That's always good news. We now have the nursery pretty much put together. We are waiting till the end of November to get the crib and changing table from my mom. Jess' dad should be retiring at the end of the year so we are hoping that he'll do a nice mural in our nursery for us once he has retired. It's okay if it's not done before she is here since she'll be sleeping in our room for the first few months. We have three baby showers planned over the next three months! Craziness I know. I hoping that somewhere in those baby showers we are blessed with the huge baby gate we need, the high chair, and the pack and play.
As for my health I am doing well. I have contractions for a few days and then they go away. I'm having some pretty severe pain at the top of my belly, right where my rib cage comes together. I'm sure it's just my expanding belly. I've decided the true miracle of birth isn't the baby (although babies are miracles too). The miracle is a woman's ability to completely forget about her experiences as a pregnant woman, her experiences in labor, and her experiences in delivery. I am getting quite bored and annoyed with all the rest...moving from the couch to the bed to the couch to the bed. If I'm good and rest all the time I am able to go to Julia's soccer practices and the girls parent-teacher conferences and crib scouting and cooking. So I guess it's worth it to rest all the time if I get to do normal people stuff sometimes.
All of our size small G diapers have now come in. We have two orange, one pink, one light blue, one green, and one creme. They are super duper cute and we are excited to use them on her little bottom.

Let Go, Let God

I first heard that statement from my mom when I was going through some really bad times in college. I feel like it's become my motto through the years. I teach our children what it means to live that statement. I've told Jess to Let Go, Let God. Well now that I'm facing some pretty scary things I feel like it has once again come to the forefront of my thinking.
We went in for a sonogram on Tuesday morning to check my placenta and Peanut. Well Peanut was in there sucking her thumb with her other arm wrapped around above her little noggin. She was just kicked back and relaxed. She is weight in at about 1 pound 1 oz. Her head and legs are measuring right on track. Every other measurement is about 1 week behind...they said she looks tall and skinny. LOL. My placenta is less than 1 centimeter away from my cervix. I guess this makes it "marginal placenta previa" or low lying placenta. There is still hope that in 3 weeks my placenta will move completely out of the way, but even the doctor is really cautious about that. It's moved less than 1/2 a cm in the past 6 weeks and we need it to move at LEAST 2 cm in the next 3 weeks. Jess is absolutely terrified...her job as a NICU nurse just became extremely personal so she is dealing with a lot of those issues and fears. I am pretty relaxed. I have Let Go and Let God. I know that I am doing a darn good job of protecting Peanut. She's doing GREAT and seems completely unaffected by everything going on with me. If she is to be born early I know she will be okay...but I am going to do my best to keep her in there cookin for a few more months. We will get through this...she will get through this...I have faith.

Bed Rest, Part I

Many of you may be wondering why I put part 1. Well chances are within the next few weeks I will be in the hospital again because of bleeding and be released once again on bed rest. That is IF i have any type of placenta previa. We think from what the doctor said at the hospital that I have marginal placenta previa. Everyone needs to believe that my placenta will move before I bleed again.
Being on best rest is not one of my favorite things in the world. I am not the type of person that can "just sit" or "just lay". Right now I can see at least three or four things I need to do around this house. Luckily our house is fairly clean and most of the things are already done. Jess is trying really hard to make sure everything is done so that I don't have the temptation to get up and do. All I know is...
I am NOT delivering this baby before it's safe.

Update

We're home now. They figured they weren't doing anything for her that we couldn't do at home. We're supposed to check in with the doc tomorrow to see what she wants to do. Until further notice she's not supposed to do anything. For now she's not bleeding or cramping and she's supposed to keep it slow on her diet. If anything else at all happens we're supposed to go straight back. I'll keep you all posted.

The hospital ALREADY?!

This is Jess and I have a little update. Kathy is in the hospital at least for overnight. She started having bright red bleeding around noon today and called me at work. I left straight away and went to get her to bring her to the hospital. She'd called the on call Dr. and he told her to go straight to the hospital.

They monitored the baby for a few hours and did a sonogram and some blood tests. So far they think that it's just that her placenta is a little low still. The baby is still happy in there and doing all the things she's supposed to.

I'll update more as we know more.

Nesting...

Today I realized how much I've been nesting. I am crazy serious about getting our house clean and keeping it clean. I want the books on the bookshelves clean. I get anxiety seeing a single piece of litter on the floor. The kids and Jess are doing well at responding to my need for cleanliness. Charlotte is really staying on top of the dishes and even volunteered to tear up tack boards in our bathroom because she knew that I wouldn't be able to get on the floor and do it myself. The kids and I sorted out and cleaned every single ounce of baby clothes, blankets, socks, beanies, and towels. We did five loads of baby clothes today. I sure as heck hope that in our 3 baby showers people only buy us things that are 3-6 months and bigger. Between Jess and I we have acquired WAY too many newborn and 0-3 month old clothes. I organized the nursery today as much as I could without all the furniture in there. We were vacuuming the entire house once a week, but now I'm having each of the kids vacuum once a week (Julia on Wednesdays and Charlotte on Sundays). And in between those times I've actually vacuumed certain rooms. I feel like I might be going crazy. I had a root canal yesterday and have felt pretty horrible. Last night I went crazy picking up the house and I did WAY WAY too much in cleaning, over cleaning, and organizing today. I'm paying for it all now...and have all day but I just can't seem to stop cleaning and organizing. Thought I would share this with everyone so that those people I see in my life won't think I've lost my marbles when I apologize for having a messy home even when they may think it's not messy at all.

Diabetic Diet

Someone asked me what my new diet is like so I thought I'd let them know.

Breakfast: 30g of carbs w/ protein (ex three slices of turkey bacon, two eggs)

AM Snack: 30g of carbs w/protein (ex sugar free pudding pack, nuts, 12 pretzel sticks)

Lunch: 45g of carbs w/protein (sandwich, 15 carbs worth of chips, pickles, cheese)

PM Snack: 30g of carbs w/protein (yogurt, nut clusters)

Dinner: 45g of carbs w/protein and veggies (tuna patties, green beans, asparagus, garlic bread slice)

Bedtime Snack: 30g of carbs w/protein (1 cup chocolate ice cream w/crushed nuts)

I try to eat as much dairy and veggies as I can...some other snacks I have are homemade ranch with veggies, apple sauce, orange juice, celery and peanut butter, cheese

I also take 3 Flinstone vitamins each day and one Viactiv chew. I drink lots and lots of water...and try to have only 1 or 2 glasses of diet pop a day. Some days I'm better than others. I've learned that some foods are worth using my carbs for and some foods just aren't worth it. You'd be surprised at how many carbs are in even healthy cereals...it's pretty crazy what it does to blood sugar levels.

Fall pictures of the girls

These were taken today...

"Wedding photos"

New Fun Stuff to Handle

So remember when I posted about having to go to the ER for dehydration? Yeah that was about 2 months ago. From that moment we started talking to our doctor about gestational diabetes. We felt like I was displaying a lot of symptoms although it was early to test. They put off the testing for a month from that date and when we got to the appointment where we should have had the test the doctor once again canceled it. I'm pretty sure I posted about that horrible appointment and the subsequent 3 hour diabetes appointment. Well that day we found out I do in fact have gestational diabetes (whatever happened to the fact that the woman knows her body best?). At that diagnosis it had been 4 weeks since Jess and I had started lobbying for answers. I was told the day of the test I would get in to see a diabetic counselor within a week since it was so early in pregnancy that I was having issues we needed to get a handle on it quickly. Turns out within a week really meant 3 weeks later. We finally went to that appointment and the diabetic counselor asked us why we weren't currently seeing a high risk OB. Go figure something our doctor didn't even mention. AND she gave me two days to use diet to get my sugars under the limits or insulin was where we would go. Wow this counselor moved fast! The new diet consists of eating 6 times a day...I like food...but I do not like food enough to enjoy eating 6 times a day. Counting everything, making sure I get enough of this or not too much of that...denying myself and my household of certain things because they aren't within the limits. It's difficult but I'm managing. Jess is even on the diet with me so I don't have to do it alone. She's lost almost 4 pounds! :) Today after lunch if I have any more sugars over the limit I will have to call the counselor and discuss my options as far as insulin in concerned. Keep me in your prayers please...

For the love of parents....

As a new step parent...and a soon to be birth parent... lots of issues have risen about what kind of parent I want to be. I want to be the mom that devotes my entire life to my children. I want them to have every opportunity to explore themselves academically, athletically, artistically, socially, and internally. I want them to understand that sometimes "no" is the best answer. I want to raise confident, strong, respectful women. I want to raise strong, considerate, confident men. I want to run a tough but fun household. I want my children to know that I love them more than anything in the entire world and that NOTHING will ever change that. I also want to be the mom that makes time for my partner, my family, and my friends. I want my kids to be extremely connected to their family...all of their family. I feel like family is important and having a relationship with distant cousins, aunts and uncles that don't live in town, and grandparents from other states is important.
I don't want to be the parent that attempts to make my kids people they aren't. I don't want to be the parent that practices conditional love. I don't want to be the parent that lets my own past issues cloud my relationship with my children.
I love my step children as much as I can possibly love them without having actually birthed them. I want the same things for them as I do for any future birth children. It makes me sad to know that I missed so much of their lives as small children, but I still have so much of their lives to enjoy.
I just needed to share these thoughts...there is a reason...but it's very personal and I'd prefer to keep it personal. :)

P.S. Did I tell everyone we are having a girl?

Week in review

This week has been very UP and DOWN. Tuesday I went in for a sonogram to figure out why the heck I was in so much pain over the weekend. Turns out I had an 8 mm ovarian cyst of my left side...it has twisted my ovary which was causing all the major pain. The doctor's office was AWFUL... the staff was rude and inconsiderate. My doctor wasn't in the office she was on vacation. So then wednesday was our big gender appointment. I went in for diabetes check, gender sonogram, then our 19 week prenatal appointment. First of all the secretary (evil woman) cancelled the sonogram saying that I had a sonogram the day prior. Sooo then we get called back to the room...and then the doctor cancels the diabetes screen. At this point Jess and I were making plans to switch doctors/offices.
We let our doctor know how frustrated and unhappy we are with the service we've been getting. We also let her know that although they've told us the gender of our baby...we haven't been able to have our gender appointment where they show us everything and we get the cute little photo of Peanut. (the previous day's appointment was simply to show us why I was in so much pain and see if everything was okay with my body) The doctor went and talked to the office and nursing staff we're guessing because they were all of a sudden nice to us, she also rescheduled our gender appointment for that day and did a quick blood sugar draw. So I guess we'll stay with this doctor for the moment. Although I'm not so convinced it will be a positive experience.
Turned out that my blood sugar was high and they scheduled the HUGE diabetes screen for the next day. I couldn't eat after 5:00pm Tuesday...I had to be in the office at 9 for a fasting draw, then I had to drink some awful sugar drink, then another draw at 1015, another at 1115 then a final at 1215. Once that final draw was taken I was finally able to eat. Turns out I have gestational diabetes. I have to go for an appointment at the diabetic center this week to learn all the details of what they are going to do; diet, blood sugar testing, insulin, etc.
Friday my mom and brother came in town. The kids were super super excited. I was pretty excited to see my mom. The weekend was great hanging out with family. Julia was super duper excited about hanging out with Uncle Michael.
Anyway we'll keep everyone updated. Hopefully more picture will come soon. I'm officially in maternity clothes all the time now so I'm sure we'll get a belly shot or two on here anytime.
P.S. Jess and I are going into Arkansas this weekend to see some friends that I haven't seen in too too long. Looking forward to seeing you Susan! And yesterday Jess' paternal grand father died. The funeral should be sometime in the next couple of days.

Updates.... it's been a while

The past 2 weeks have been CRAZY! Jess and I went to Ventura, CA for a week to attend her family's annual beach house vacation. We took advantage of the opportunity and got officially married on 8-18-08. It was a fantastic week. I got to spend some quality time with her extended family. I did some shopping with her grandma and cousin the first day we were in town. The next day I went shopping with her aunt, cousins, and mom. I ended up going shopping with her dad one day. Jess spent most of her time reading and hanging out at the beach house. I even body surfed twice! Jess and I just completely fell in love with the area. It's not even about the rights...honestly. It's about the "feel" of the place... we felt at peace. It was a wonderful feeling. We are now trying to find a way to move there...we aren't getting our hopes up yet, but it is a possibility.

24 hours after we got married my dad stopped breathing and ended up on a ventilator in the ICU in Little Rock, AR. I stayed in constant contact with my younger brother and my mom about the situation. We flew back to Kansas City late Friday night/Saturday morning (we landed at 3 a.m.). We left Saturday morning after picking up the kids and dogs to go to Little Rock to see my dad. He is doing better now...actually left the hospital this week. It was quite scary and a VERY stressful time to be gone from the kids for 8 days in California and then to come back and leave straight to Arkansas. We are much better now though.

The girls leave today for Chicago with Jess' parents to see a play that their Uncle Dylan's friend is in. They are excited!

Next weekend my mom and brother are coming in town. While they are here we are doing something to celebrate our wedding... nothing big.

The following weekend Jess, the girls, and I may go down to Arkansas to see some friends and spend extra time with my family. After that trip I don't think there is another trip planned for the girls or for us until November THANK GOODNESS!

I hope everyone enjoyed the slide show from Cali. I will update you all next Wednesday after my prenatal appointment. We are having our big gender sonogram, diabetes screen, and just regular meeting with the doc.

California/Wedding

We had a great time in California and had a wonderful wedding experience.

Here is our slide show

First day of school pictures

ER Visit

Let me begin this story in saying that I absolutely hate doctors (no offense to any that read this). I hate that they never seem to listen to what you're really saying or what you need. I mean seriously I know they went to school for a LONG time but I've also been in my own body for a long time and know it pretty well.

Well yesterday Jess and I were getting our eyebrows waxed for our wedding on Monday and I went up to her and decided it was time for me to take a trip to the ER. My stomach had cramped about 6 times Monday, enough for me to grab my stomach because it shocked me so much. Well yesterday my stomach was cramping about 3-6 times an hour. To me this seemed a little alarming. I was starting to feel really drained and super thirsty and quite frankly just very anxious about not knowing why my stomach was cramping so frequently. I walked into the ER pretty calm, thinking I'm just being hyper vigilant and overly cautious but nothing serious was going on. I was in the middle of registering when a nurse came and got me, left Jess and the girls in the waiting room, and rushed me to a room with all sorts of tools to check out my woman parts. I had one nurse firing questions at me, another nurse telling me to strip down and get a gown on, another nurse taking my vitals, and then finally a forth nurse came in to start an IV. This is not at all the reaction I was expecting. I got FREAKED out by all of that. Then about 30 seconds after sitting down in the bed the doctor came rushing in. The nurse trying to get an IV started blew two of my veins which are now giant bruises.

The doctor kept me there for nearly two hours. My blood pressure was high (No kidding I was stressed the hell out). It's never been even remotely high my entire life. They checked my blood sugar and that was fine. They were convinced I was not in labor or miscarrying. They found the fetal heart tones and it was 158 (however it took two different nurses to find this heart beat so that once again freaked me out quite a bit). My pulse was through the roof. Everything checked out except to say that I was dehydrated. I don't see how that was possible because I drinking water constantly during the day but I guess pregnancy takes a lot out of you and it all seemed to fit dehydration. Then the ER set an appointment with my doctor's office for an hour later.

In my doctor's office they checked my cervix and told me to drink more or they'd have to admit me. I'm thinking I don't have time to be admitted to the hospital. We are leaving Friday for California. They also did a sonogram to ease my worries and make sure nothing was going on in there with baby. Peanut looked wonderful. I've been put on pelvic rest because my placenta is sitting right on top of my cervix. We also found out the gender...

I'm doing okay today...still very thirsty and very tired....but I'll be fine.

Family

What makes up a family? Two parents and a child? One parent and a child? A single person? A couple? A combination of four generations of people, including cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, children? A divorced mom raising her children with another woman? A divorced dad raising his kids alone? A divorced man and woman and the woman's new wife raising children together?
We have struggled to find our way as a "family" over the past 15 months. We have listened to the nay sayers and the negative people in our lives and it has torn us all apart. We have listened to ourselves and our own hearts and flourished. We have listened to the kids and responded with love and conviction. We are now a family of 5 instead of one family of 4 and one family of 3. Yep that's right if you add those up they don't equal the same thing. No...we didn't ship anyone off to China. Jess and I now consider ourselves, the kids, and their father one big "weird" different family. We all love each other. We all respect each other. We are all there for each other.
Now my question is what do we do now that our family is being targeted by nay sayers again? It's hard to ignore people who are "family", but we take our life as a big family seriously. We split our time with the kids. He has them half the week, we have them half the week. We have worked hard to get ourselves all in places where loving one another was completely possible. Our love for the kids brought us together in the beginning, but now we love each other for each other...not for the kids. We are an awesome parenting team. It's awesome to see the kids flourish in our non traditional family. We have worked hard to get where we are... will we allow "outsiders" to break our family apart... will we allow "outsiders" to attack one member of the family without protecting that person... will we allow "outsiders" to be any part of our family or will we only allow those into our new family unit that are positive and supportive? These are all questions we are facing right now.
Jess is an amazing partner/wife, a fantastic mother, and a powerful woman. She is a dedicated friend and a caring neonatal nurse. She gives me peace and hope. She calls me on my crap and she gets my humor. She loves me for me. I couldn't ask for more. I love every part of Jess. I love that she thinks she's hilarious sometimes. :) I encourage her to challenge herself (she wants to start running 5Ks again). I support her when she is down and out. I love that she wants to continue her education and further her career. I love that she has similar interests as I do and also introduces me to new things that she has interest in. I love how she loves her kids.
I am marrying her in 10 days. I am proud of our relationship. I am proud of our non traditional family.

Okay Seriously!

I am a hyper vigilant parent. I make sure our kids are behaving, not jumping on furniture, being as safe as possible. Now don't get me wrong when the 6 year old gets a cut on the playground I tell her to suck it up...but I caught her yesterday climbing on a high part of the jungle gym and she almost fell...I about panicked. I told her that wasn't safe and she needed to climb on things that weren't that high off the ground. If she had fallen the worst that would have happened would have been a broken arm but I really really don't want her to break her arm. So I guess I'm somewhere in between over protective and laid back.
Well today I ran across an ad for Thudguard's. I'm not sure if any of you have heard of them, but they go on your babies head like a helmet to keep them from bumping their heads as they learn how to walk. Now I will be one of those parents that hovers over my toddling child but I will not be putting a helmet on their heads for the occasion. What are your thoughts?
If you need the link it's http://www.babysfirstheadgear.com

So I'm not totally crazy!

So for three weeks I've thought I was just sick and feeling icky because I was pregnant. Well I finally went to a Walgreens Take Care Clinic and found out I'm not crazy and "just pregnant", I have strep throat with NO tonsils and a severe sinus infection. Fan-friggin-tastic! No wonder I haven't slept well for three weeks. No wonder I'm feeling so ill and icky. No wonder I feel so run down. So now I'm taking 1750mg of Amoxicillin a day for 10 days. My OB said if it's not better by Monday I will be going immediately to the ENT... which makes me wonder what the heck an ENT can do other than a give antibiotics.

Jess and I were hoping that Peanut would hide from the Doppler today so that we'd be "forced" to have another sonogram because we want to know if Peanut is a boy or a girl already. We are impatient people and this not knowing business is killing us. We have changed our top names for both boys and girls, but this time we aren't sharing those names with anyone. We kind of want it to be a surprise for our families.

Countdown begins for California trip. Although we will miss the big girls for 8 days.... it will be nice to have a vacation. And onto future news, Jess' brother got engaged and is tentatively planning a destination wedding to the Dominican Republic. Woohoo! We are very very excited about this. It will be next fall, the girls will be in school so they'll be staying with family here, Peanut will be breastfeeding so he/she will come with us to DR. We couldn't be more excited about the experience.

Our first set of G Diapers came in this week. They are SOOOOOOOO cute! I also got my baby "bag" which is a backpack from Eddie Bauer. I figured it would be the easiest way to carry everything I'll need for Peanut, hold Julia's hand while crossing streets and in busy stores, and carry Peanut.

Hanson

Okay so most of the readers of this post will probably have no need to read it. As a high school student I fell in love with Hanson. Yes those cute little boys that sang Mmmmbop. If you hate them I'd challenge you to look up the lyrics as opposed to listening to the songs. Anyway I've liked them for a decade now. They were my first concert when I was 16 in Nashville. Good news! They are going back on tour. They are even coming to Kansas City. The tour is meant to raise money for children without shoes in Africa. They do a 1 mile barefoot walk before the concert and then everyone can enjoy the wonderful music. I am very very excited about the concert in September...and just thought I'd share.

G Diapers, Names, Travel, and The Girls

G Diapers: I was getting so nervous, already, about cloth diapering Peanut. I was getting scared that it would become such an ordeal each day, each diaper change that I would not be able to keep up with being that "green" mom I want to be. We were looking at cloth diapers from different people's etsy stores, G Diapers, Bum Genius. I was getting overwhelmed with all the different types and how to change and clean each kind and the durability and cute factor. We read blog after blog talking about the greatness of G Diapers and then the horrible experiences with G Diapers, the fact that Bum Genius was the greatest invention on earth, and how Bum Genius was a terrible way to cloth diaper. I thought there was no place around where we live that sold any of these types of diapers so that I could hold them, see them, touch them, examine them, critique them. However Jess is brilliant and found out that G Diaper starter kits and refills are sold at a Whole Foods that is about 5 miles from our house. I went, opened a starter kit, felt the diaper, examined it, and fell in love with its design. I know that it will take time to figure out how our babies little bottom will fit perfectly in the little G pants so that we don't have leaking, but I am now committed to stick with it. Plus their color choices are SOOOOO cute! Lurkers chime in on your experiences with cloth diapering.

Names: Jess and I have been talking baby names since the first week of our relationship. I'm not sure if it's a "girl thing" or what, but we decided on one name we both agreed on before even talking about conceiving. We are letting people know this name because she's been saying that she likes that name for years. We came up with some less than average girl names. We are IN LOVE with one of them and really like the other one. However my concern is the unisex nature of the name. Jess thinks it won't be a problem because if she totally hates it as a teenager or adult she can go by her pretty girlie middle name. I'm still a little apprehensive. I don't want her to hate us because we didn't give her a name like Lily or Stacy or Brittany. Let me know what you guys think about this subject.

Travel: We are leaving for a week in California and our wedding in three weeks. We are leaving the girls with their dad because their school starts the day before we leave for the trip. However next year we have committed to not only take the big kids to the beach house but we'll be taking our 7 month old Peanut. I am been thinking about the packing that will be involved in next years trip. A bag for each of the girls for a week. Then we'd need a carry-on for each of the girls because they get bored easily and when they get bored they fight. Jess and I would need a bag for our clothes. Peanut will need a bag for it's clothes, diapers, refills, utensils, bibs, toys, bathing supplies, medicine, etc. Peanut will also need its Pack and Play and we have one of those Graco snap and click swings that we are thinking about bringing and we'll have the carseat and stroller. Seriously! Eight days is a long time to be half way across the country with a baby, a teenager, and a primary school kid. If anyone has any advice on what is necessary to bring on a trip with a 7 month old I am very open to listening. Since it's a year away it's not like it's uber important to have the info tomorrow but I would like to know that its even possible to have baby happy for a week without the comforts of home.

The Girls: OMG! I love these girls. Charlotte is caring and sincere and eager to read. Julia is active and loving and eager to learn anything. They love each other very much and for the most part help one another do tasks and comfort one another when something is wrong or someone is sick. However at the end of the summer I'm pretty sure they are sick of being with each other 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Them being tired of each other makes a very stressful day for me. I have to break up arguments, lecture about using kind words, and separate them to find peace. Let's just say I'm not terribly upset they are going to their Aunt Kelly's house to hang out with her 4 kids for two days next week. :)

Changes

What is up with all the changes to my face and body. First of all I have acne, for the FIRST time in my entire life. As a teenager I never had to deal with acne, yes I had an occasional pimple but never more than one at a time and never more than one a month or two. BLAH! Secondly my boobs have to weigh 2 pounds each. They haven't gotten any bigger but they've gotten more weight to them. EEK! My bowels are all messed up, as if they weren't before, now they are times a thousand. My moods are all over the place and my emotions can switch with the tide.

I am so ready to find out if this baby is a boy Peanut or a girl Peanut. I'm ready to meet this baby and hold this baby and cuddle this baby. Over the past few days I have just really been yearning to see Peanut and hold Peanut and bring Peanut home. I'm still not looking forward to the actual labor part of the whole process, but I want that Peanut in my arms!

WooHoo Second Trimester!!!

So today I enter my second trimester...well I guess technically I enter it tomorrow, but hey whatever.
This summer has been sooooooo friggin busy. Over the 4th of July weekend we drove to Columbia to hang out with Jess' grandparents and cousins that flew in from California. We also went to the "Stewart Family Picnic". That was a trip. It was Jess' official "coming out" to her entire extended family. It was quite interesting but her family was amazing. I got to hold a few babies and play with a couple of toddlers. I enjoyed myself. Total driving time 10 hours.
The very next weekend we drove to Arkansas to see my family and go to my childhood friend's wedding. I got to see my pseudo niece...she turned 2 on the 4th. She looked so pretty at her mom's wedding...and she was finally old enough to recognize me...even giving me a good bye hug and kiss on the cheek. Total driving time 17 hours.
This week Charlotte is in an Environmentalist Camp that lasts from 8-5 so I've had lots of alone time with Julia. OMG having one child is SOOOOOOOO different that having two. Julia and I have gone to the pool three times this week, Jess and I took her to the American Girl movie, we've read lots of books, gone up to the hospital to have lunch with Jess, and lots of other stuff. This week we also went to our Sequential Testing appointment where they check for Down's, Tri 18, and spina bifida. Well Peanut refused to be still. Peanut was standing straight up and down and would just bend its knees and jump straight up and down throwing its hands in the air each time. The sonographer just kept calling peanut a jumping bean and then asked us to reschedule the appointment for next week. Peanut is still measuring 3 days behind.
Just thought I'd give everyone an update since it's been a while. I am feeling much better these days. I am no longer on progesterone so I am no longer nauseated.

Peanut is alive and well!!!!!

We went in today to get the sonogram to tell us if Peanut was developing well after my hormone dip. Good news. Peanut is alive and well. Peanut measures just 3 days behind when we thought. Peanut's little heart beat was 188 bpm. Our sonographer gave us 4 b&w pictures and a 4 D picture of peanut because we were so worried.

Hawaiian Ice

Growing up I remember my mom taking my brother and I to these little Hawaiian Ice Shacks in local grocery store parking lots. My brother would get this cream kind called Wedding Cake and I would always get something that would spark a conversation among my friends the following day such as Tiger's Blood, Ninja Turtle, Margarita. My mom dealt with all the running syrup and ice staining our t-shirts and shorts. She felt like it was a fun little outing that we would always remember. She was right. We did always remember. Then I moved to Kansas and these people have never even heard of a Hawaiian Ice! So since 2004 I have no I had one, until last night! We found one of those little shacks and we took Julia (Char was at a sleepover). Julia got Tiger's Blood and bragged that she was drinking real tiger's blood. I got Margarita. Jess got a cherry limeade. Oh my gosh it was sooooo good. Just like I remembered. Julia's syrup dripped down her very nice sweatshirt and all I did was wipe off the excess juice and tell her to have fun. Jess suggested we do this every Saturday night during the summer. WOOOOHOOOO I am so excited. And my peanut likes Hawaiian Ice too!

And update on my mom. I finally called her back yesterday and we had a very tearful conversation. She said that this pregnancy is brining up a lot for her because her mother died 9 years before I was ever born and she had no family support. I explained that she is all I have and it saddens me that she lives so far away and it doesn't feel like she's totally on board for this pregnancy. We just basically came to the conclusion to cut each other some slack, she's going to be more "motherly" and I'm going to let her off the hook about being so far away and unable to be here throughout the stages of pregnancy except the birth. :) She will be here for that.

On the puppy front, yesterday while sitting in the living room a little chipmunk came up to our back glass sliding doors and started scratching on them and squeaking. This little guy was trying to get my dogs attention. Once Max figured out what it was they chased each other and stared at each other through the glass. It was definitely a sight to see. Then later in the afternoon the chipmunk came back and did the same thing again. Who knew chipmunks were so social. :)

Parental Support

My parents have been extremely supportive in my plight as a gay woman. Other than my first girlfriend, they have liked all of them. My mom has especially been supportive and loving over the past year. However over the past two months my mother has been less than supportive of my pregnancy. Yes she's offered to buy the crib, but doesn't ever ask. She keeps telling me not to get my hopes up because I could lose the baby. I'm just not sure as to why she can't just be happy or at least supportive in a positive way. Just a little down about that right now.

Last night our kiddos has a Vacation Bible School performance. i think it might have been the cutest performance ever! They were little surfers..surfing through the scriptures. You had to be there to truly appreciate it but to see our six year old get clobbered by the kid standing behind her on the risers while he was trying to dance and then watching our 11 year old pretend she was on a surf board surfing the waves...it was just hilarious.

Today I ripped up the carpet in the master bathroom and so far i've ripped up a fourth of the carpet in the kitchen! (who the heck puts carpet in a kitchen?!) Jess asked if I could do those two rooms while i was home today with no kids. We'll see how far I get on the kitchen. It's much more difficult than the bathroom was.

3 days till my sonogram that tells me if everything is okay. I'm getting rather nervous. I just hope peanut is happy and healthy and growing in there.

What's up with the sleeping issues?

Last night I couldn't get to sleep until after midnight after laying in bed for 2 hours and then I woke up at around 430 a.m. I am flippin exhausted today obviously. I have no idea why I've been having so many problems sleeping so early in my pregnancy. I'm prepared to have sleeping issues when I"m in my third trimester but not at 9 weeks! :(

Some good news, over the last few days I have pretty much given up chewing on my finger nails. I have no idea why I'm not chewing on them anymore but I actually have nails that are decently long right now. Let's just hope this horrible habit has disappeared.

I will try and post some pictures of our puppies this weekend. They just got their summer hair cuts. Joey looks like he has pigtails. They wouldn't get out of their kennel for me to take pictures, but i did get some cute ones nonetheless.

4 days till my sonogram that tells me if the progesterone worked and that everything is progressing properly. Still no spotting so all seems like a good sign. 10 days till my second prenatal appointment.

Just a little updating...

So now I've been taking progesterone suppositories for 8 days now. Mann that stuff makes me ill!! I guess if it's keeping Peanut in my uterus safe and sound it's worth the nausea. Our little peanut doesn't have a tail anymore. WOO HOO!!! Makes me very happy. We go in 6 days for our sonogram to determine if the pregnancy is developing normally. I haven't had any spotting so that's a good sign.

The girls are in Vacation Bible School this week. I love watching my kiddos without them knowing because you get to see how they really act and who they really are...without them knowing the watchful eye of Mama is on them...well today I got to VBS early...just in time to watch our youngest run away from her teacher and her class. Fun times!

So it is an interesting life we live. We have two children in VERY different developmental and social stages. We have the 11 year old that is encountering peer pressure to talk about and do things that are beyond her age (such as "hand jobs"). Yep that's right...she knows that term because her "best friend" told her and also told her that she needs to start doing that no later than 12! For crying out loud, are we friggin serious about that crap?! Yeah well she's not spending the night at that child's house ever again.
Our youngest is trying to learn how to read, how to add and subtract, and how to relate to other people appropriately. She is learning positive attention and negative attention. She is just having fun being a little kid.
Then there's peanut who is just growing in my uterus. Oh the joys of parenthood!

Jess' Birthday

So today is Jess' birthday! She is __ years old. She's not really letting me telling you how old she is. But shhhhhhh she's 32!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This morning we went to IHOP for breakfast, I took Beanie to ecology camp, and then Jess went and got the massage I bought for her. :) It was her first ever massage. She enjoyed herself in her hour of relaxation. Then for lunch we went to Tomfooleries and met her mom. She gave her a little pottery thing to hang on the wall. After lunch we went to this neighborhood wide garage sale. We got lots of onesies, some books for Char, some beanie babies for Juli, some shoes for both of them, and clothes for both girls. I also got some homework stuff for Juli...gotta love me and teaching those kids some things.

On to the pregnancy. A stupid nurse from my dr's office called frantic Tuesday telling me my progesterone was low, I had to come right away to get progesterone suppositories, and that I need to schedule a sonogram for July 1st to make sure I still had the pregnancy. Was she friggin serious!? Had she never spoken to a pregnant woman before!? So I did exactly what she said and then the next day we called and asked another nurse more pointed questions. Apparently they don't like to see progesterone levels less than 25 and mine is 24.6. So panic averted. Borderline is still cause for concern, but it is not necessarily something to panic about. It is still very possible that I will carry this pregnancy to term with no complications.

Just a normal Wednesday

So yesterday Julia was swimming the community center pool and ran into the wall. I have no idea how that could possibly happen, but if any kid were able to swim into a wall it would be her. She knocked her other front baby tooth out in the process. So fun times! Now she has no front teeth and she's so darn cute I want to squeeze her!

Today we got up, went and picked up the kids, took Jess' ex husband to work because his car is in the shop, came back home, got redressed into mom's house clothes :), went to deposit a check at the bank, went to Old Navy to get Sophie (a best friend's daughter) her 2 year old birthday present outfit, came back to the house so that Jess could take Charlotte to voice lesson while I hang out with Juli, when they return we are going to Pizza Shoppe for lunch, then to Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium movie, then grocery shopping, then I'll take Juli to hip hop class while Jess cooks dinner, then we'll all finally get to shower and go to sleep! Oh my goodness Wednesday's are packed full of activity.

I am not having many signs of morning sickness anymore. I really get nauseated around 7 or 8 at night. Especially if I don't take a nap during the day. Who knows what the heck that is all about. Peanut is growing...I can't wait to hear peanut's heartbeat on the dopler. I think Jess is really thinking about purchasing a dopler for us to use at home. I can't say I'm upset about that. I like constant reassurance that Peanut is doing well inside there.

Our doctor is fantastic. She's pretty young, just got out of residency last year. She seems to really be able to work with my personality. I'm slightly high strung and worried about pretty much everything and she is great at calming those nerves. There is a midwife in the office if Jess and I decide that we would rather use a midwife instead of an OB. Right now I have not quite decided which direction would be best for me.

Jess and I found a natural baby store that is on our route to visit my parents in Arkansas. They sell BumGenius and other cloth diapers there...so it'll be nice to hold one and look at it and analyze it instead of just relying on pictures online. We are hands on type people. I think we have (meaning I have convinced Jess this is a good option) decided that we are going to buy everything for the nursery and for the baby except the crib and bedding (which gmas have already requested to purchase) so that when we have our baby shower it can be a fun process for our guests. What they bring won't be dictated by a registry. We're only asking them to bring anything and everything organic, green, and eco friendly and to use their imaginations. Therefore we have everything set up and purchased before the holidays since I'll be 35 weeks pregnant the day after Christmas I want everything done by Christmas. So that my last month of pregnancy is not complicated by needing to set up the nursery or put together a swing or go to the store and get this or that for the baby. Now our only problem is trying to find a time that is okay for a baby shower. We can do it early and have it around Thanksgiving or we can do it in the middle of December because the first week is Julia's bday so no baby shower that week and the 4th week is Christmas so no go there either...or we can do it the first or second weekend in January which is fine with me too. Gosh there is so much to think about. I am a planner...to a fault sometimes but I like things planned out so that's why I'm thinking about getting all the bayb stuff and planning the time frame for the baby shower and the theme of the shower and blah blah!

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good week. I must get off here now because my 6 year old is pretending she is a kung fu fighter and i'm afraid she might try to kick a wall or the fireplace or something...

First Sonogram

So here's my first sonogram. We actually got the see the heartbeat today.

Cravings, aversions, fatigue, emotional

Okay so now I am 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I have 237 days left until my due date and only 2 days left until my first prenatal appointment. We have no been getting predictions from family and friends about how many babies are in my belly. Our youngest said there are four babies in there and one of them "is a black boy". Our oldest thinks there are boy girl twins in there. A family friend of Jess' believes there are boy girl twins in there and could possibly be a third baby if my "higher self" believes it is safe for me to carry triplets. Jess thinks it's twin boys. I don't really care what combination there is or anything else I just want a healthy happy baby or babies. I would be lying if I said I don't dream of twins or triplets, but I've convinced myself to just accept whatever the sonogram shows Monday with a happy and grateful heart.

I have now craved so weird food combinations. I like Edy's Lemon Ice bars alongside green olives. I like goldfish with slim jims. And right now I'm just been craving lots of chinese food. Especially egg drop soup, but eggs in any other form make me sick to my stomach. I am also really fond of garlic.

I cannot stand being around the smell of ketchup. I can't drink anything with milk in it. I'm not really diggin chocolate at all either. Too bad the kiddos love CHOCOLATE MILK. I am really not liking much fast food right now...the smell of grease makes me nauseated.

I sleep at night, but I only sleep about 2 hours at a time. Sometimes I am able to go back to sleep pretty easily but other times I am not able to go back to sleep for hours or at all. I'm not quite sure what's up with the waking up and problems sleeping but I am so trying to figure out what's up. I have gotten into a routine of taking a nap every afternoon around 1:00 and sleeping until I wake up. This is really helping me make it through the day a much nicer person.

I have been sooo extra emotional lately. The smallest things make me cry and I'm calm with the biggest things. It's all quite weird. I cried at the movie Angels in the Outfield. What in the world is that about?

Anyway just thought I'd also include a picture of our traveling kiddos. This was taken in April when they were in the airport parking lot with me waiting to fly to California.

Cranky Kathy

So yesterday was a REALLY bad day for me. I have no idea why I was so cranky. I could not even deal with anything at all yesterday. I think it was also one of the worst days of nausea I've had. I love being pregnant. I am so looking forward to my first prenatal appointment to meet my little peanut, but this whole exhausted feeling sick thing is for the birds!

I'm also finding a lot of support from blogland even though those women probably don't know that I'm finding support from their blogs. I love reading about other people's adventures in parenting as lesbians. I'm a very traditional person...very conservative...so it's really nice to see that other lesbian households run similarly to ours.

Jess' birthday is coming up in 17 days and I bought her birthday present Friday. She has never had a professional massage before so I bought her an hour Swedish massage for the morning of her birthday. She's working so hard to support our family so that I can stay home and raise our children. She deserves a relaxing treat.

My mom sent me some money the other day to buy some maternity clothes. I am definitely not showing yet, although without a shirt on you can tell I am expanding in my lower abdomen. I am very very bloated from all the increased hormones running through my body so my regular everyday clothes are super tight or don't fit at all. I've found that maternity pants and shirts are sooooo much more comfortable. So I'm very thankful to my mom for buying them for me.

Anyway I'll keep you updated

Rainsoft & New Beta Numbers

So yesterday we sat down with a Rain Soft representative. This gentleman tested our water for contaminants. Well we live in an old house and our water was super hard and had a lot of things floating around in there. Well we decided that we'd go ahead and sign up for the service. We are getting a big water system that will filter all the hard minerals our of our water. We are also getting an under the sink unit that will also get the pharmaceuticals, bacteria, and viruses out of our drinking water and cooking water...they also installed a drinking water spicket on our sink. And finally they are installing an device that will clean our air...it's being hooked up to our air conditioning system so that the clean air is pumped through our entire house. For signing up with also get 5 years worth of completely organic/natural cleaning supplies. Everything from soap, bar soap, shampoo, dish soap, and all purpose cleaner. Plus since I'm pregnant they are throwing in a year's worth of organic baby cleaning supplies. :) How great is that!? We tasted the water that was filtered yesterday and it tasted so sweet and light...it was amazing! We are so very excited.

On to our second Beta numbers. They were 234 which is a doubling time of 1.49 days. We are so thankful to be pregnant and would love and appreciate a singleton baby, however we are hoping for multiples. Call us crazy but we feel like we are being pulled to parent more than one child. We'll keep you updated.

15DPO

So for a week and a half now I've been sick for the majority of the day. I go between getting so super excited that I'm pregnant to getting scared that it won't stick. I feel like until I see peanut/cashew on a sonogram it's just not going to feel real.
A friend of mine was getting rid of her baby stuff since her little girl just turned 1...so she donated a swing some blankets and towels.
Jess and I actually made a starter baby registry at Babies R Us...since my parents don't live here, it'll be nice for them to be able to plan ahead about what they would like to contribute to the baby. If anyone out there in blogland has old baby stuff they'd like to sell or donate we are open to figuring out shipping or whatever.
Thursday I will be back in the Drs office getting another beta test to make sure that peanut/cashew are still there and still doing fine. :)

Test

POSITIVE BETA!!!!!

It was a positive Beta. So long as little peanut sticks I will be due Feb 1st!!!!!

Digital HPT

So I just took a digital home pregnancy test and it says POSITIVE! Just waiting for the beta numbers tomorrow.

Too anxious to sleep

So my chart looks perfect. Pointing towards pregnancy. But of course those little charts can be so deceiving. I have scheduled a Beta for Thursday and will know one way or another Friday if I am pregnant. Let's keep our fingers crossed that it worked. It is just so devastating to hear, "you're not pregnant". My progesterone levels look awesome. I'm not having any PMS symptoms, but am having some pregnancy symptoms including early nausea. So I guess we will all see Friday. Look for a post around noon Friday telling the results.

Progesterone levels 5 DPO

So the doctor's office just called to tell me my progesterone test results. My test was taken on 5DPO instead of 7DPO because of the weekend. So anyway the results were 32.6. Yep that's higher than last month at 6DPO. So I either ovulated more than once again or my progesterone levels just randomly became freakishly high! :)

California lifts gay marriage ban!

Okay so I'm sure everyone has now heard that California has recently lifted the gay marriage ban. So Jess asked me yesterday if I would like to "for real" marry her when we go to California in August. Of course I said yes. So we looked up the local Justice of the Peace and looked at the marriage license application. We are probably going to apply for a marriage license online in a week or so. We know that not many people will be able to be at the actual picking up of the marriage license, but we are planning on having a reception Labor Day weekend at her parents home here in Kansas. We thought that would be the easiest for the most members of our families and our friends to attend. Just kind of have a get-together where people can bring well wishes and/or wedding gifts. I know that my family is pretty traditional so the wedding gift thing is mostly for the traditional people attending.

On the ttc front... no real symptoms as of yet. My temp is staying high though...keeps rising actually.

CD18

Alright well it's two days after our first insemination and the day after our last insemination. I'm feeling fine, I don't know how you are supposed to feel if you've got a peanut growing inside of you...I'll keep you updated on that.

Donor update, our first choice for a donor disappeared about 3 weeks ago so we went with our second choice for donor. However today our first choice showed back up so if we are not pregnant this cycle we will use him next cycle.

On another type of baby note...our older babies decided to be VERY matchy matchy today. Since today was "twin day" at school Charlotte wore the same outfit as her best friends...and Julia wanted the same outfit. So today I went and got it for her because I'm a push over. And Julia got a new outfit that Charlotte wanted so I got Charlotte that outfit too. Here are some pictures from today's matchy matchy photo shoot..

Insemination Day-May

OKay so we just got done inseminating. Our donor was really nice and gave us a very well populated sample. We were able to inseminate right away so we're really hoping this is our month. So we are cautiously optimistic. Waiting on my cross hairs on FF to prove that today is perfect timing. My OPK was wayy brighter than the control line so YEA!!!! Well we are off to go see Baby Mama in the theaters and go to dinner. Have a great day!

On tv!

LOL Yeah I know...you're probably thinking who is on tv...what is on tv....well the answer is me...sort of. Our local newspaper here in Kansas City interviewed me today about rising gas prices and our next presidential candidate. www.kansascity.com has it on there under people react to high gas prices. Oh my my my who would have thought me of all people would be asked about hybrid cars and eco friendly living!

So tomorrow is the day we inseminate! We are pretty much just excited for the possibility of getting pregnant at this point. It's not every day that we come in contact with sperm! :)
Starting Monday I'll blog about my 2WW, fun times I know.

Deflated

Yes, yes I know this is my second post today. I'm sure my dad will be thankful he has more to read.

So right now I am struggling with two very fundamental human dynamics....faith and clarity. I was raised in the Christian Church. I feel like the church gave me a great moral basis and provided me with an outlet to deal with those times in my life that were less than ideal. I even have a tatoo on my back that states "For it was then that i carried you." Now that can be taken in a Christian mindset and it can also be take as a parent/friend/wife/human. I found that saying in the Footprints poem. I have been struggling with my practice of faith in a Church. I think that the church provides the structure for children to develop their moral basis, and that is a very positive thing. However, since a few years before "coming out" I have struggled immensely with the Christian church and in the same breath religion as a whole. I have read books upon books about everything from Catholicism to Buddhism and Taoism. I have even recently researched Scientology to the dismay of family and friends I'm sure. What I've found in all of my research is that in no organized religion is my love for my wife honored, by strength as a gay woman admired, and my role as a gay parent fostered. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to find a religion that makes me feel like I am a perfect person...I'm actually searching for the complete opposite. I'm searching for a faith that admits that I'm imperfect but strives to give me the tools to make myself the best person I can be. I want a lifestyle religion. I have tried going to the Universalist Church but it is so close to the traditional Christian church's beliefs except they leave out a LOT....so I can't follow it wholeheartedly. Each person has their own "walk" and I honor every person's walk and I respect everyone's particular beliefs. So what I found initially about one certain religion met all my expectations in finding a faith for me. It incorporates a belief in a higher power with the empowerment of the human himself/herself. So I called the local local church of this particular faith to ask the wonderful question of "Do you accept homosexual people in your faith?". Their response was of course we do, we accept everyone. So then I started reading the teachings of this particular faith to find out in the teachings it says homosexuality is a perversion and is "extremely dangerous to society" and the homosexual person is actually ill. So now I feel once again like society and the world religions will NEVER accept that I love my wife as naturally as a man loves his wife, it takes a lot of strength to be a gay person in today's society, and it takes a lot of inner clarity and strength to be a gay parent. I'm just feeling deflated and lost.

Sorry for the venting....

Just plug it in...wow

Okay so Jess and I have a nice television in the living room that we have not watched for over a month now, not because we are trying to do without technology but because the sound stopped working. Well Jess had me call the tv repair people today and the woman told me to unplug it and plug it back in and the sound should work. Is she serious!? And yes it did work. If I knew all I had to do was unplug it and then plug it back it I would have done that a month ago...wow!

On the fertility front. We are inseminating Saturday and Sunday. We are super excited but we are also extremely nervous. WHat if it works? What if it doesn't work? What if we get preggo with one baby? What if we get preggo with more than one baby? Are we for sure for sure ready for this? Well the overwhelming thought that both Jess and I have is that we could not be more loving parents and we have a solid relationship so I guess bring on the sperm!

On the Portland front we have decided to relax on the idea for a while. We want to move, and if up to only she and I would move next summer. However it's not just up to us so we will just see how everything goes over the next few years. Either way once Jess' youngest daughter graduates we are planning on moving to a place that is more gay friendly, prettier, and not the midwest! :) Got any suggestions on where, other than Portland meets those criteria plus the criteria of a normal person can afford to live there?

Have a great weekend everyone!

A burst of energy...or maybe bordem

Alright so I know everyone is just dying to know what I did today...or not, but I figured I'd share anyway.
Our oldest daughter is having two of her friends spend the night tonight so her dad is dropping her off early this evening so that she can get ready for her little sleep over. Sounds innocent enough, except that I was raised in the south which means that our house needs to be spotless in order to have company over. So I spent the day doing the dishes (not my chore but my eldest child is going to pay me back another time), doing laundry, and ripping the carpet out of the girls bedroom. Yep that's right you didn't read it wrong...I ripped all of the carpet, pad, staples, and nails out of the girls room. There are some pretty nice hardwood floors underneath and Jess and I wanted to see what kind of shape they were in. Turns out they are not in bad shape at all. I cleaned the room, made their beds, waxed the floor, and rolled up all the carpet for the nice refuse people to take away on Tuesday morning. Tomorrow Jess and our little one are going to weed, get leaves out of the flower beds, and put mulch down, the oldest is going to work on a Titanic project for school due Tuesday and I am going to rip the carpet up in the girls bathroom and the front room. Sounds like fun doesn't it! :)
As far as our new healthy eating goes, I've lost 3 pounds and Jess has lost 4 pounds. We recently found some new items that are less than 120 calories a piece so they are helping us stay on our diet. I also made a really yummy soup last night. It had organic chicken stock, dried kidney beans, dried great northern beans, dried split peas, celery, brussel sprouts, carrots, and garlic in it. 190 calories for a 2 cup serving and it ended up making 8 2 cup servings...and I probably spent about 10$ on the entire recipe...and bonus I still have beans, peas, garlic, carrots, brussel sprouts, and celery left over. Jess likes it too so that's also a plus.
So I'm going to pose a question out to blogland.... When is the best/most ideal time to inseminate? We keep getting mixed information. We are planning on inseminating the day before ovulation this month which is in like 6 days. If you can help, we'd love the advice.

New babies...mixed emotions

So last night one of my friend's went into labor and had her first child. She arrived at the hospital at 9:45 pm and Winter Grace was born at a little after 11:00 pm. Winter is SO cute and my friend is SO happy. I got to see her this morning...yep less than 12 hours old. She has such cute little facial expressions and just wanted to sleep the entire time my friend was trying to breast feed. We talked about the birth and she asked about how my journey on getting pregnant was going. I didn't get to hold Winter because Grandma showed up at the same time I did, but my friend said I can definitely hold her on Sunday when Jess and I bring her lunch. :) What an exciting and miraculous day! I mean seriously, less than a year ago my friend was dreaming about being a mother and today she is one. I am so very happy for her and so excited to watch Winter grow up. However, it does make me a little sad. I know that feeling is really normal but I feel horrible for feeling sad. I want to be a mom so badly. I've dreamed of being pregnant and holding my babies for as long as I can remember. I know that the biggest obstacle in our pregnancy journey is getting sperm, enough sperm, inexpensive sperm, and attempting to inseminate more than one time during my fertile window. All that aside it looks like on Clomid my cycles are great, my LP is a good length, and I am definitely ovulating. I just wish it wasn't such a difficult process to get sperm. Blah...enough ranting and raving. I am truly happy that my friend is a mother now...something she's wanted for a while now too.

Nothing much going on...

There isn't a whole lot going on right now in the world of Jess and I. We are trying to get the girls' summer schedule. Mannn those kids are going to be in a lot of activities and camps. We are even thinking about putting the 6-year old in a hip hop dance class. :) That should be cute to at least watch her do.
I'm on my third day of Clomid. Last night I didn't get as dizzy as I did the night before. We shall see how I feel tonight. If I wasn't so hopeful that this would help me get pregnant, I would never ever come near Clomid.
I went to Home Depot today and got some veggie and melon seeds with a watering pale. I also found a push mower that I like. It's only $150. It's non electric, non gas powered. It's just one of those old school push mowers. I mean how much more eco friendly can you get than using human power only. Jess and I have also decided to start a compost pile to save on waste and to help create a natural fertilizer.
And on the last note...I got out of class two hours early tonight because tornadoes rushed through the area. Sirens were going off all the way home and so Jess and I ended up sitting in the bathroom (which is the only non outside wall room). Luckily no one that we know has been hurt so far.
Insemination count down is 9 days away!
7DPO blood test will be May 19th and potential pregnancy test will be May 22nd-May 24th

So I'm still working out. This morning Jess joined me in my water aerobics class. Tomorrow I start Clomid again. Bring on the cranky, dizzy days. Let's just keep praying that this is our cycle. We will keep you updated.

We did some research yesterday about solar panels and solar energy. Oh my it's kind of intimidating, but to think you could potentially make money from your local energy company for providing your clean power to the grid is kinda cool. Jess and I have decided that if we follow through with getting solar panels for heat and water then we will start out with a couple of each and then add to the number of panels we have over time. We hope to have enough panels to be self sufficient for energy and hot water in 15-20 years.

Progesterone levels

So good new everyone, my progesterone levels 7DPO was 30.2. For those of you who aren't quite as familiar with those levels, they consider anything greater than a 5 an ovulatory cycle. Yep that's right mine was 6 times the minimum! Apparently I ovulated more than one time...multiples don't scare us. We'd actually love to have a set...or two (but don't tell Jess we'd love to have more than one set of multiples she might fall over). :) These numbers give me such hope for trying in two weeks. I sure hope I ovulate like this month again!

crawling out of my hole

So apparently I've been trying to hibernate lately I guess. I think the stress of not getting pregnant, then the stress of trying to figure out if we could even find another donor, then the stress of trying again next month. I guess just taking it one day at a time, focusing on the excessively positive things going on in my life, and not letting stress get to me as much is the only thing I can do.

Last night there was a very powerful storm. It was SO loud that it even woke up Jess during the night(and I'm sorry Jess but a train could barge through our room and she wouldn't wake up). The thunder was booming, the hail was huge, and the rain was pounding. As annoying as it was to be woken up several times throughout the night, it was really nice to hear those sounds...maybe next time they could happen late morning or early evening so I can look out the window and enjoy the weather.

So a day and a half after the healthy eating started I'm doing much better. Yesterday was a struggle, but today I am doing much better.

Hope everyone out there is having a great day! Message me to let me know you are out there! I'd love to meet more people.